Anxiety

 We are now less than 30 days from the wedding, I think 29 to be exact and my brain, that does such a good job of compartmentalizing things I don't want to think about has stopped working.  That is, has stopped compartmentalizing.  Last Sunday my brain decided that I could no longer block out the fact that my kiddo is about to move 1700 miles away.  My goodness, the tears that thought brought!  I had my first ever anxiety attack the next day.  

I think we have a handle on the wedding, bridal shower #1 is this weekend.  The logistics of the wedding and reception aren't worrying me all that much.  However, the thought of  the newly married couple loading up a Honda Civic and making the 30+ hour journey in around 48 hours scares me.  The thought of her being so far away scares me.  The idea of not seeing her at least every few days scares me.  

I have always been the strong one.  I never cried that easily, I could kill the spider or shoo away the big dog, I have always been there when she cried "Mom, help me!"  Now what?

I am an anxious weepy mess wondering where to go from here.  Writing this has made me cry.  I hope it helps me focus on a goal, a place, somewhere that shows me what is next.  It looks so lonely from here.

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